Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
i believe in u and ur pee
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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