He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
