He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
