I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
