Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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