We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
