you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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