I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you inspire me to be a worse person
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Randomize
