so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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