..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
It's shark week go big or go home
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
