okay pat passed out under dana's car
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
