I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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