I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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