I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize