I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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