Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
