I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
