My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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