He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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