my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
