his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
