why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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