He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I think your dad took our porno
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
