It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
So much rum. So many feels.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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