one two three fourrrrnication!
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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