Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize