I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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