How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I am one with the molecules
Randomize
