I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
