My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
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