I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
