I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
