can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize