I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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