i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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