so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize