so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
