69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
