Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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