i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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