She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
