We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
