I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I came so hard my ears popped.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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