I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
