GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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