allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
