I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
