she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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