Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
