omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
