youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
