direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
