i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just invented taco cereal.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
