The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
