I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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