There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
