How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
