Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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