The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
