brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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