Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
