my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
