Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize