Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
