You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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