i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
