"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
