I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
