I will die if light touches me.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
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